The last month has been overshadowed by me getting used to being on antipsychotics again. I’m a bit frustrated with myself because I thought I’d be able to cope without them. I thought I’d be able to get through this low patch with the right care and attention but I couldn’t. I know that having to take medication for an illness is not a failure or wrong. I know that mental illness is just as serious as other illnesses. But I still feel like a failure. I feel like I should be able to cope with everything. I should be able to survive and get through it. But I can’t! I’m so angry and frustrated with myself but I know that it’s caused by a chemical imbalance in my brain and medication is the only thing that can help me with that. The problem is that I’m not feeling anything at all now. I don’t get angry or sad or happy or anything. I’m afraid I’m going to lose everything of what I am again and what I could be!
It didn’t help that when I was sorting out my office last week I found photos of me when I was young and thin. I’ve never thought of myself as pretty or beautiful but compared to how I looked when I was in my 20s, I comparatively look like a beached whale! I wish I was thin again!
I feel like I haven’t accomplished anything at all this month! But I did finish a few things.
I made a few sales last month which was handy because it paid for the new tailpiece for Ruby. I sold one of my Net Bags and a baby hat, mitts and booties set. I’m really happy with how the bag turned out. I love that blue. It’s Stylecraft Special DK in 1829 Empire.
I also finished my Rhian Socks by Verity from Truly Hooked but I got so excited about casting them off that I cast off too early and they’re too small! But I have a friend who has small feet so she’s going to have them. I have loads of yarn left so I’m thinking of making myself a pair of fingerless mitts with it because let’s face it, you can never have enough fingerless mitts!
I started making a Friendship Quilt from Betsan Corkhill’s book Crochet Therapy as a #selflesssaturday project. I need to get some more King Cole Cottonsoft to finish my Footsteps Across My Heart comfort blankey.
I’ve finished the fourth strip of RiverSystem’s Mystical Blanket (above in the market bag) last week and I’m currently joining them together. RiverSystem wants it to be double bed sized so I’ve got a few more strips to go.
I started RiverSystem’s Socks again. This time, I’m doing them two at a time and making note of how I’m doing it as I go along so I can do a proper blog post about it when I’ve finished. I’ll be listing the pattern as a free download on Ravelry as well. I’m grateful to Christine from Winwick Mum for letting me use her Basic Sock pattern as a basis of my pattern.
My Georgiana Shawlette is currently on the naughty step. So I’ve started a new project. I’m quite excited (as excited as I can be with the antipsychotics!) about this one!
I told you last month about the Lady of Shallot Shawl and how it had inspired me to start writing other patterns inspired by Tennyson’s poetry. Well, I sat down on Sunday and started designing a pattern inspired by Mariana by Tennyson. I’m using some yarn by The Mermaid’s Purse Co on Etsy in the Plankton colourway which is 100% Peruvian Wool. (She has a Facebook page too.) RiverSystem bought it for me when I was feeling really low. In her listing, she says:
Buying local and supporting emerging trade is very important to the ideals of The Mermaids Purse Handmade.
My cotton is sourced from Three Bears Yarn. Not only are they a emerging British company, they have found a way to make cotton that doesn’t split.
My animal yarns are sourced from Rooster Yarns. They are a relatively new british company with a focus on sustainable luxury wools.
I find that the yarn feels quite sturdy considering that it’s 100% wool. I know there are those who don’t like using wool because they’re worried about it being cruel to the sheep and while I respect your viewpoint, I have a friend who’s a shepherd and he told me many years ago that if you don’t shear sheep, they’ll end up with maggots under their skin and have to be put down. So in my humble opinion, if I can find wool that’s been ethically sourced from farms that look after their sheep well then there’s nothing wrong with using wool from sheep. It’s environmentally friendly and breathable. On the Rooster Yarns website, they said:
We believe this is important and all of our yarns are sourced from manufacturers that support the welfare of the animals and community that went into producing our yarn.
I genuinely believe that their yarn is ethical and local which makes it the best for me. I respect your opinion and I wouldn’t want to tell you what to do but I would ask that you respect my opinion. If I make anything for you and you don’t want to use animal products then I will do everything I can to make sure I respect your opinion.
Anyway, that’s what I’ve been up to this last month. I started my podcast last month by expressing my sympathy (rather badly) for all the children and adults that were caught up in the explosion at the Ariana Grande concert. Since then, there have been more people killed by terrorists and my heart goes out to them and their families.
There are lots of patterns in my May bundle on Ravelry but I wanted to highlight the Ametendlic Shawl by my friend Monica. It was published at the beginning of June and her first design. She says that Ametendlic is an Old English word that means ‘brief’ or ‘measurable’. The pattern is simple but effective and because you use Aran yarn and 8.0mm needles, it works up really quickly! It’s definitely on my to do list!
Ooh! Before you go! I’ve set up a ko-fi page. It’s basically a crowd funding page. All you have to donate is $3 which is the cost of a coffee. I’m looking for help and support for my planned eBook, Tennyson’s Ladies. I’m currently offering knitters a sneak peek at the upcoming designs as and when they’re ready which may or may not involve a free mystery pattern and also a voucher code to get 50% off the eBook when I release it! It’s in the early stages yet so I don’t have a firm release date yet, but watch this space! And don’t worry if you’re not a crafter! I’m planning on giving you a discount code to give you 50% off one of the designs that is available in my Conscious Crafties store when the book is published!
This month, I’m ending with a song by RiverSystem that was inspired by me. I will warn you though, turn down the volume before it starts! It’s quite loud! Anyway, if you want to hear more, head over to SoundCloud!
I hope to have a better month this month and the world stops being crazy long enough for me to regain my equilibrium!
Look after yourself everyone!