Depression · Operation Better Me · Random Musings

Things I Hate About Myself…

I know what you’re all thinking. ‘You don’t hate yourself!’ But I do! I think everyone hates some aspect of themselves. While this is not an exhaustive list of the things I hate about myself, I’m hoping this will give you an insight into how I feel about myself and how others feel about themselves.

Selfishness

I have spent the last 35 years being told by the people that know me best that I’m selfish and 6 people can’t be wrong right? I know can be selfish and I work hard on this fault! I’m working so hard on it that people will tell you I’m not selfish because I’ve put myself out to help them so much. It hate this aspect of myself so much that I get really angry when I see other people being selfish to people who don’t deserve it. Which brings me to my second fault…

My Temper

I have a foul temper and while I don’t lose my temper anywhere near as much as I used to, I do still have the odd occasion where I lose it. Generally when I see injustice or unfairness. I try my best to control myself but sometimes it does blow up. But afterwards! I shake uncontrollably in fear of the consequences of my anger, because of the effort that I’ve put in to control my temper for so long and because I’m so angry with myself for losing my temper. I also generally end up in so much pain afterwards that it keeps me awake.

Thoughtlessness

Again, I’ve been told for 35 years that I’m a very thoughtless person and I am. I tend to open my mouth to swap feet. I struggle really hard with this fault. I try my best to think before I speak but I generally fail with this. Akin to thoughtlessness is my sarcasm. I’ve been on the receiving end of cutting sarcasm and it’s not a nice thing to have to face so I really wrestle with my demons with this and I think I’ll be struggling with this one for a long time!

Like I said at the beginning, this isn’t an exhaustive list but I feel these are the main faults that have caused me the biggest problems. What is your view of these faults? Do you hate them as much as I do?

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2 thoughts on “Things I Hate About Myself…

  1. Hello Mammy Penguin. I share all three of those faults. My sister, who is 4 years older than me, tells me that I was a lovely child up until the age of 12. That was when I became the most selfish, thoughtless, sarcastic person she had ever come across. I think this radical change was the fault of hormones. Nothing in our family life had changed and I had a really good childhood. It wasn’t until my pre-pubescent years that I became horrible. I remember my mom telling me that I was the most selfish person she had ever met. I was about 16 then. Another fact that seems to support my teenage personality change is that all my friends suddenly left my life and I remained without any until my early twenties. No I’m in my early fifties and look back at my youth with a lot of regrets. I am ‘nice’ now but shy, introvert and have no confidence, due punishment perhaps for my earlier selfish, thoughtless years.

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  2. I think we all have moments of all of those things. I know I’ve been thoughtless or selfish at times just because I get caught up in something else and there seems to be less room in my brain for thinking about others. I think though that anyone who is aware of these faults in themselves isn’t truly selfish and thoughtless as they are usually working to remedy them.

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