I’ve been thinking over the last few weeks about what I’m sharing on line. I’ve been looking at my old blog and thinking ‘Do I really want these things in the public domain?’ I know it’s probably a bit late to be thinking this as it’s already out there but I began thinking about how people would view me. I mean it’s important to me for people to understand what depression and fibromyalgia are like but do they really need to learn it from me? I’m not saying I’m not grateful that I’ve been blogging for so long. My old blog helped me through some pretty tough times because my regular positivity posts helped me focus on the good things that were happening in my life.
On the weekend I heard some information that made it clear.
Firstly, that we need to forgive ourselves and move on from bad things. I felt that by hanging on to my old blog I wasn’t doing that. I’ve made mistakes in the past and my old blog documented them so I felt that hanging onto it. I know that there are people who haven’t forgiven me for the past mostly because they don’t know all the facts but I can’t be held to ransom by these people anymore. I have to forgive myself and move on and try to be the best person I can be for my children, my husband, myself and more importantly my God. And it’s not to say I’m not truly sorry for the things I’ve done or what’s happened or the way things have turned out and the damage I’ve done (and this is in no way an admission of guilt because I refuse to take responsibility for the Kennedy assassination…) but I refuse to be held hostage to the way people think I should feel anymore.
Secondly, I heard the phrase ‘Moving on doesn’t mean you forget it and people that you’ve left in the past for whatever reason. It means that you’re looking forward to a glorious future.’ This got me to thinking. When my CPN asked me last week what my view of the future was I replied that I was taking every day as it comes. Now there’s nothing wrong with that intrinsically because even Jesus told us not to worry about tomorrow because today has enough problems. But it got me to thinking. There’s nothing wrong with looking forward to attaining your goals whatever they be. I have goals, big ones, but I’ve been so busy concentrating on working towards them that I’ve lost sight of the bigger picture. The problem is that my bigger picture is different from what yours is but do you know what? That’s ok. As long as we don’t judge each other for what our bigger picture is and our methods are of getting there (within reason) then that’s fine.
The last thing is a biggie. I was given the example of two young girls that had cancer. One got depressed about it and the other was really positive and happy despite the fact that she was dying. I was given the analogy of someone in a prison cell because let’s face it our problems are like a prison. We were asked: ‘Are you slumped in the corner of your cell? Or are you looking through the bars of the cell to the sunrise?’ Now this is import. We all have problems that imprision us but do we look at our problems or do we look at the beauty in the world or the hope that one day our problems will be over? I have hope that my problems will end. I don’t know when but they will but I’ve been so consumed with my problems that I haven’t been thinking about that. So from now on I’ll be looking at my hopes and goals and how I’m going to get there.
I knew on Friday night that I needed to delete my old blog so I did but last night I got to thinking. I was thinking about my social network usage and my on line presence. I’ve been thinking about how much I share on line and how much time I spend on line. So last night I decided to delete the Facebook app on my phone and iPad. I’ve kept the pages and messanger apps so people can get into touch with me if they need to. I just felt I need to take a break and think about all the things that I need to do for a while and Facebook was a big distraction. I need to meditate and formulate a plan of action and I can’t do it while I’m spending hours on Facebook. I’ll still be available on Instagram but how I share pictures is going to change. I’ll be sharing positive happy things as well as what I’m making. I’m going to start taking the dog for a walk most days so you’ll probably see lots of pictures of pretty flowers and leafy lanes.
I don’t profess to getting things 100% right all the time but I’m hoping that starting fresh will inspire me more than hanging onto the past.
All this being said, I’ll still be sharing my regular Silver Lining posts and what I’ve made every month but I’ll also be adding other features like my favourite Etsy shops or possibly giveaways and discount codes for my Etsy shop. I’ll also start sharing the patterns I’ve seen on Ravelry that have inspired me. I’m also doing a lot of research into grieving and how to move on.
In conclusion, I’m grateful to everyone for bearing with me while I make these changes and for being supportive. I’m grateful to all my friends for the advice, hearing ear and shoulder to cry on over the last few years. Please bear with me while I stay fresh and feel free to comment positive things that have helped you recently to move on that you think might help me. Please be gentle.
Take care and look after those around you who love you because they’re the ones that will pick you up when you’re down.
Love Me XOXOX